Let's Get Better Together

Let's Get Better Together

I don’t care about who you voted for.  Or even that you didn’t vote. 

 

All I care about is what you do next. 

 

This time last week I was walking to meet a friend with tears streaming down my face, fighting the urge to collapse on the wet sidewalk in the rain and put my head in my hands.  I was shocked and sad and disappointed.  Incredulous but also not.  I’ve been comfortable in my little bubble of people who think like me. 

 

The bubble has officially burst.

 

So THIS is what we’re working with?  Ok.  I accepted this truth with tight lips and a fire sparking in my chest.  Game ON. 

 

We can’t heal something we can’t see.  We can’t fix something if not everybody thinks it’s broken.  What is happening right now is not new.  The man who won the electoral vote did not create racism, misogyny, or degradation of rights for all people.  This was already on the menu. 

 

We, the people, created this.  We, the people, are the only ones who can heal it. 

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3 Ways to Forgive When You Can't/Don't Want to Talk to the Person

3 Ways to Forgive When You Can't/Don't Want to Talk to the Person

We all have someone we need to forgive.  Probably several someone’s.  Often the person we really need to begin with is ourselves. 

 

I have wanted to write about making peace with painful relationships and situations for a while now and this felt like the right time.  There is a lot of volatility and collective shadow that is being dredged up right now and I wanted to offer some tools that I have used in my own life. 

 

Forgiveness is NEVER about excusing abuse of any kind or implying that what was done was acceptable or okay.  It is about lessening the severity of the punch in the gut feeling, dialing down the shudder of revulsion or the wave of nausea that moves through you, and softening the ferocity of the anger or grief that you feel when you think of that person or that situation. 

 

It is creating a little bit of space between you and them so that you don’t have to carry as much pain.  Forgiveness can reduce the intensity of the trigger and the spiral of shame, blame and sadness that can come with it.  

 

This is a personal choice and only one you can make when it feels safe and right for you.  These are tools that you can use as a first step in softening the pain you are carrying.  They can help you work out some of the sharp edges or make peace.  The person you wish to forgive might not be alive, you might not be in contact with them, they may not be in a mental/emotional space to receive your words, or it may not be physically/emotionally safe for you to engage with them.  These tools are perfect for when you are not ready or it is not a good idea for you to be in direct communication with the person involved. 

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A Complicated Relationship with Grounding

A Complicated Relationship with Grounding

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with grounding.  I wasn’t really into it.  I liked the feeling of running on excitement and high charge. 

 

When I was little and there was a big event-my birthday or a holiday-I would work myself into such a frenzy that I would vomit or get sick.  My mom reminded me recently that I was diagnosed as “failure to thrive” when I was a little girl because all I would eat was apple juice and cucumbers.  She said I always kind of seemed half in/half out, like I hadn’t really committed to being on Earth. 

 

I was a little skinny bookworm that spent most of her time in a fantasy world.  My need for escape started early with books and then progressed to drugs and alcohol as soon as I discovered how they could buffer my sensitivity to the world around me.  I craved ecstatic experiences that helped me feel outside of myself and outside of my mind because it was such an uncomfortable place to be.  I had constant anxiety, insecurity and a very overactive brain that kept all of my energy up in my mind for a big part of my life. 

 

And yet, I didn’t really get what was supposed to be so great about being grounded.  It felt overrated and kind of boring.  As part of my Breathwork teacher training, I was given a word to focus on, write about and integrate.  My word (of course!) was Grounding.

 

As I started feeling into my relationship with grounding, I began noticing how little my feet were actually on the ground as I moved through my day.  I walk on the outsides of my feet and even when I’m sitting, I usually have my feet on the rung of a stool or up on a coffee table or tucked under me on the couch. 

 

As I dug in more, I realized that one of the reasons that I didn’t like being all the way in my body is that I already feel things so intensely, that it felt like it would be completely overwhelming if I were to feel anything more.  

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