On Being Sensitive & Spending Personal Energy

image via Pinterest from WHITE MAGIC Shadowflower

image via Pinterest from WHITE MAGIC Shadowflower

There are two things that are most important to me to offer into this world.  The first is to heal myself and share what I’ve learned with you.  This means I am always plumbing the depths and asking myself the real deal questions.  Consistent, gentle self-investigation.  Sometimes I hold my hand to the fire longer than is comfortable in service of finding sh*t out. 


I crave to know what’s really going on. 


I think we’re all tired of skimming the surface.  It’s pretty boring in that space-flitting around small talk subjects where only about 10% of you is actually engaged and you can clearly see everyone’s eyes glazing over.  I’m into blood and bones conversation. 


“Understand me. I do not have time for things that have no soul.”

~ Charles Bukowski


I want to know about the people I talk to.  What do you believe?  What keeps you up at night?  What do you want the most?  What are you denying yourself?  What are the limits on your possibilities?  Where is the pain hiding out?  What do you think is true about love?  What are your wounds and where do you hold them?


The second part of the mission is that I want you to feel seen and sane.  De-stigmatizing emotions and looking for their message is what I love to do.  My vehicle for this is often telling the story of my own life. 


It is always a huge delight for me to tell a story and receive a barrage of messages that say, “YES!  That is my experience too!”  I read a great article recently that talked about our brain as a receiver/sorter/chooser of thoughts rather than an originator of thoughts. 


The idea is that certain thoughts only become available to us at certain times in our personal and collective evolution.  You can see this in media-how there will be a swell of thought in a certain direction across the board of all the people you like to listen to.  I don’t think this is copying.  It’s just that the thought became clear to many in the same moment. 


One of the thoughts that I am grabbing out of the sky right now is about conservation and curation of personal energy.  Personal energy is relatively finite depending on how well or not well we take care of ourselves.  Source energy is infinite. 


How we choose to spend our personal energy says a lot about what we consciously and subconsciously value. 


I have recently been reclaiming a part of me that I tried to push aside for many years.  I am a highly sensitive person.  You might be one too.  It made me take a very deep look at how I was using my personal resources of time, energy and emotion. 


Being highly sensitive means that my nervous system gets a little more triggered and overwhelmed by crowds, loud noises, and chaos.  Sensitive people are more intuitive and can easily absorb other people’s emotions and energies if they are not paying attention.  They are prone to anxiety as they are receiving an incredible amount of intellectual and energetic information to process all the time. 


They are big thinkers and feelers.  It’s not easy to be this kind of person in a culture that values extroversion, high performance, and living large and loud. 


I carried shame around this trait of mine.  I found it an annoyance to others and limiting to myself.  I put my head down and went on with life. I had an experience during my last Breathwork session that helped me realize how much I had attempted to disown this quality.  I finally, FINALLY, started to truly see it as a gift.


Once I started to own this lost piece of self, I really started to clue in to how I was spending my time.  I would notice if a person or environment amplified me or depleted me.  I began to have a solid sense of what my needs were around stimulation-TV, music, computer, and phone vs. quiet, natural sounds.  I started to choose very carefully which spaces would be nurturing and kind to me and which would be aggravating and harsh.  I gave myself a break.  I started being a lot kinder to myself. 


Whether you consider yourself to be sensitive or not, how you spend your personal energy and with whom is extremely important to your mental and emotional health.  There are some choices that we must make that will not 100% feed us.  We have a lot of choice in this life-more than any other generation to date.  We have an opportunity to be wise wielders of our personal energy, gently observing what fills our cup and what numbs us. 


Watch your life this week and notice what you’re doing when you feel rejuvenated, open, soft, creative, relaxed.  Notice as well when you feel tight, constricted, small, uncertain, nervous, tired.  Notice where you are breathing shallowly and where you are fully taking in your experience. 


Tune in, not out and see where it leads you.