I just want you to feel good. Honestly, that’s why I do what I do. I want you to feel whole and potent and alive and confident and vital and joyful.
Some days all of those adjectives feel really far away. Usually when we are muscling through life on that grind. When we feel like life is our responsibility and we alone are the ones that need to work to make everything happen.
Our culture is all about hard work as the main vehicle for salvation and getting what you want. I was talking to one of my Breathwork ‘frequent flyers’ after an incredibly potent group-healing circle last weekend. She was telling me about all of the positive changes that were happening in her life since she started doing this breathing technique.
The next sentence was “I know it’s going to take a lot of hard work and time to get to where I want to go.” I stopped her and asked her to think about her language for a second. The way we speak about our process informs us of how it’s going to feel and how it’s going to roll out.
If we think it’s going to be really hard work, it will be! It will be arduous and difficult and take a really long time because that is your expectation of how it’s going to go. The manner in which you frame ‘the work’ creates the container for your experience of it.
Let it be easy.
When you think about your intentions for your life, I want you to ask yourself:
How will I know when I am _____________ (insert intention of choice, ex. balanced/more confident/more grounded)? What will be different in my life? How will other people be able to tell that I am ___________?
Usually you are closer than you even know but haven’t identified the markers of success along your path. Here are five ways to show you that you are getting stronger every day!
You are asking for more.
The desire to up level your life happens when your self-value kicks in and says, “wait a minute, this is NOT working for me anymore.” Whether it is the desire for a new job, a new home, a new relationship, when you recognize your inherent self worth you will make different choices. When we love ourselves more, we raise our standards for what is acceptable in our life.
You are reacting differently.
You have surprised yourself! You are finding yourself in situations that would have normally triggered anxiety or anger or shrinking yourself and you are not responding that way! When you get stronger, you are able to find more peace and equanimity and respond rather than react. Your emotional foundation is more solid so you are less rattled by things that would normally take you down.
It’s easier for you to make positive choices for yourself.
You begin to go against the grain more comfortably. No you don’t want another cookie. No you don’t want to go to the bar after dinner. No you don’t want to go to brunch with those people you don’t even like because you really need to go to yoga. No you don’t want to go out with that guy you aren’t even interested in. No becomes no biggie.
Your recovery time is faster.
When you do get rattled by something, you find your center faster. You may still break down or fall into familiar mental patterns BUT this will only happen for a day vs. a week or a week vs. a month. You know that you have achieved some level of stability when you can get back to good more quickly than before. It’s not about falling down; it’s about how fast you get back up!
You are aware of what you are doing.
Your behavior isn’t unconscious anymore. You may still be doing the same things (self flagellating, over indulging, circular thinking) but you know what’s going on. Awareness is always the first step to changing what you want to change. You totally get a gold star for being a mindful participant in your own life!
I know you are experiencing at least ONE of these. If you are, you are on your way!