The Vow to Be Perfect

Have you taken a vow to be perfect?  Did you decide somewhere along the line that in order to receive or deserve love that you had to do everything right?  Did you know that this vow teaches you to be perfectly critical of yourself at all times?

I did a very powerful, very emotional exercise a couple of weeks ago on perfection.  My latest obsession is using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to clear blocks in my life and in my thought patterns.  EFT uses gentle tapping with your fingers on different acupuncture points to reprogram your thoughts and soothe your nervous system.

The exercise that I did may hit home with many of you.  It was about the decision that we make at an early age that being who we are just isn’t okay.  Whether we receive cues from our environment, from our family, from our friends, from our observations in the world, we determine that we don’t deserve until we are perfect.

This sets us up for lots of pain since perfection is unachievable.  If you read that last sentence and something in you disagreed with it, I’m talking to you.  I’m really talking to you.


To escape criticism - do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

~ Elbert Hubbard


If you could always have done it better, then you never really deserve anything beautiful that comes as a result of your efforts.  If you should have done more, you can’t appreciate what you actually contributed.  Deserving will be delayed, keeping us always stuck in scarcity.

This creates a personal threshold of how much we are able to receive in life.  We are unable to take risks or make mistakes because that wouldn’t be “perfect”.  We are afraid to fail, move forward, or take chances.

Perfection prevents us from beginning and initiating action.  It keeps us paralyzed because we have to make The Right Choice.  So much pressure!

Perfection prevents us from trying new things.  Are you the kind of person that feels like they should do it right the first time?  Even if it’s the first time they are doing it?  I know I have been there.

I remember taking my first ever snowboarding lesson and being so embarrassed that I couldn’t immediately ride effortlessly down the mountain.  This was complete insanity combined with highly unrealistic expectations.  I set myself up for a day of self-flagellation, which prevented me from enjoying the moment.

Can you relate?  Do you have to do it right the first time?  Do you give up right away if you aren’t “doing it right”?

The myth of perfection prevents us from enjoying what we have created or achieved because we’ve already decided it’s not good enough.  Perfection is devoid of compassion for self.  Perfection is unforgiving.

It keeps us from so much!  Saying, doing, being, deciding, choosing, acting.  Can you trust just for today that you have something to offer in all of your so-called messy/imperfect glory?

What you allow yourself to receive is what you feel you are deserving of.  I’d like to invite you to blow the roof off what you feel like you deserve.  Turn it up to 100.  You DESERVE simply by being here.  Your worth is not being calculated like some mean mathematical equation, which always comes up short.  You are simply worthy.


Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack in everything

That's how the light gets in.

~ Leonard Cohen