4 Ways to Improve Your Most Important Relationship

How is this week feeling for you?  With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, we are bombarded with messages that bring to mind the quality (or lack of) of our romantic relationships.  The distance between where we currently are and where we want to be contains all of the information and all of the pain points that we need to address in order to realize our wildest romantic dreams.

The starting point?  Always you.  It was always you.  You had me at…the day you were born.  Literally.

Whether you are deep in romantic bliss, trying to extricate yourself from a sinking ship, or yearning for your soul mate to arrive, the place to begin is within.  We all have emotional patterning that may cause us to sabotage relationships, choose partners that don’t have the capacity to meet our needs or isolate ourselves from the potential pain of connecting.


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

~ Rumi


Deep and Complete Self Acceptance

“If beating yourself up worked you’d be rich, thin, and happy.  Try loving yourself instead.”

~ Cheryl Richardson

How much can you love yourself?  Okay, now double it.  Triple it.  Shower yourself with the kind of love and acceptance that you may have never received from another in your life.  Bowl yourself over with how sweet you can be to yourself.  Look in the mirror and say ‘I love you’ until the tears come.  You are worth it.  You are phenomenal.  You are infinitely important and valuable.  You are one of a kind.  You are deeply, deeply loved.  I bow to you and your absolute magnificence.  I know you aren’t perfect and I don’t give a damn.  This is complete acceptance.  Love yourself up.

Know yourself

Do you know what kind of relationship would make you most happy?  Do you know what to do to self soothe when you are having a painful moment?  Do you know where to go when you need to retreat?  Do you know how much sleep you need and how certain foods affect you?  Can you identify what you are feeling and do you have tools to manage those emotions?

Self-inquiry is vitally important.  You live in this body and you are unique.  Knowing what your needs are is the first step to getting them met.

Say No

I love this one.  I do it all the time.  Obligations, ick.  Saying no to things you don’t want to do makes your YES that much more powerful.  We often say yes to events that we aren’t interested in attending, catch-ups with people that leave us drained, and commit to hosting/giving rides/making vats of food when we would much rather not.  Declutter your life.  You have a choice in how you shape your life.  Choose to spend time with people that lift you up and activities that make you feel alive.  When you are in alignment with what brings you joy, you are in the perfect space to magnetize your dreams right to your doorstep.

Prioritize Yourself

"The purpose of your life is not to impress or please other people. This year, bravely risk shocking, disappointing, or even offending other people in the name of you being deeply happy. This might sound risky, but when you’re happy, everyone wins. Make this year your year."

~ Rachel Cole

Can I get an amen??  Take a risk and take care of yourself.  Stay home.  Say no.  Rest.  Spend the day in bed reading.  Relax.  Say no again.  Buy yourself some flowers.  Get some bodywork.

Fill your cup.  This is how it has to be.  There is no other way.  If you have a hard time with self-love, know that if your cup is not filled, everyone else is just receiving your leftover scraps.  When you aren’t nurturing yourself, you get tired/exhausted/obligated/guilt ridden/resentful you and so does everyone else.  Show up for you because you are worth it.

Love the hell out of yourself.