We Need a New Way to Work With Pain

We Need a New Way to Work With Pain

The first time I remember being deeply depressed was when I was 17 and went away to college.  Every time my mom would call me I would dissolve into tears.  I didn’t know exactly why I was sad.  I knew I didn’t want to be there and that I didn’t feel in control of my life.  Adult me knows now that I had just removed myself far enough away from the culture of my family to begin to start separating out what was me and what was them.  Another big piece was that I had just stopped drinking.  Taking alcohol out of the equation was allowing me to feel my feelings and they were leaking out everywhere. I drank heavily as a teenage girl to numb out and then decided drinking was for unevolved people when I got to college...a pretty lonely position to take as a freshman.  So, what do you do with a sad girl when you don’t know how to help her?  Therapy and anti-depressants, right? 

I said no. 

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The Day I Realized I Was Enough

The Day I Realized I Was Enough

I finally realized I was “Enough” on October 22, 2016.  I was standing in a circle around a fire on retreat with my teacher.  Two days before I had felt a rush of shame come through my body.  The mean voice in my head that criticizes and judges me was strong.  I called myself out.  I admitted to everyone in the group that I was feeling small and comparing myself.  It felt good to say it out loud.  

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So Here's The Good News

So Here's The Good News

The last 13 days since the inauguration has felt like five years.  I’ve been rabidly glued to my news feeds wondering what this man is going to do next.

So, here’s the good news.  And you can take this or leave this.  I am consciously choosing to look at this experience as a global healing event.  I don’t think this choice is delusional or “being positive.”  I actually think of it as completely realistic.

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Make Your New Year Great Again (<--I couldn't resist)

Make Your New Year Great Again (<--I couldn't resist)

I did a Death Meditation Wednesday night with the dark of the Moon.  I lit some candles and spent some time being led through the last twelve hours of my life.  I wrote down all my regrets, all the things I wished I’d said to people, what’s holding me back, what I’m imprisoned by, the lies I tell myself, what needs to die, my last words to my loved ones, and what matters to me. 

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Modern Family: A High Vibe Holiday Survival Guide

Modern Family:  A High Vibe Holiday Survival Guide

“If you think you’re enlightened, spend a week with your family.” – Ram Dass

Nothing is truer than this statement, since THIS is the real spiritual work. Take it off the mat, take it out of the personal development book, take it off the cushion – family time means time to walk the talk.

If you are mentally steeling yourself for holiday family time this year, know that you are not alone. We always revert to children when we go home, no matter our actual age. And this inner child will always re-experience the same unmet needs for attention, affection, allowing, acceptance or appreciation.

This inner child may even be coming into a family gathering with an expectation of feeling old hurt. This child may unconsciously be watching and waiting for familiar signs that he or she is inadequate, unwanted, or less than.

And if these wounds haven’t been addressed and healed, even if there isn’t an overtly toxic situation to navigate there will always be people present that push these buttons.

The trigger might be a casual remark about your job or relationship status, your parenting style or appearance. The deeper the wound, the more power these off hand comments can have to throw you off your game, creating a spiral of anger and insecurity. Happy holidays!

And we’re talking deep, subconscious stuff, the kind of stuff it’s hard to see coming. One minute you’re “fine,” the next, an insecure little girl who wants to lash out teenage rebel style – or else go hide in her room.

With this in mine, here are a few tips to keep in your back pocket while you navigate…

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